Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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