So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
