Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
