you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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