Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
