i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
