This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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