Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
