More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
