are you still at the devil's house?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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