i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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