Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
