..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
