Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
