So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize