I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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