The brown eye won't let me do that either.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
