Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
