Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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