Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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