cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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