tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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