pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
