Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
