Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
