my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dignity is for republicans.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
