I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need to align my fucking chakras
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
