its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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