I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
