I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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