sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I enjoy the company of your penis
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