it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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