make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
