I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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