Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
