i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found puke in my bra..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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