rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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