college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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