In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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