oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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