I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
