Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
