So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
