just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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