I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Welp...herpes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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