I love black thongs
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
