Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
