yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
