I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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