I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
