Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
