i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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