We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
