She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
