I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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