Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
