in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again