I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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