i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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